The legend of Parodies, The Wind Waker Upper
by Gemini Gamer
Summary: The legend of Zelda wind waker. The way it went through my eyes.
1. The Hero of Time

_Oblivion-Yeah I just recently finished playing LoZ:Wind waker so I figured, why not write a parody for it? So here it is. _

_Disclaimer-I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! I DO NOT OWN MOST JOKES, ALL CHARACTERS, AREA NAMES, ECT. AGAIN I DON'T OWN ANYTHING LISTED NOR ANYTHING ELSE USED!_

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The Legend of parodies, The wind waker upper.

Prologue-The legend.

**This is but one of the legends the people speak...**

"Hey dude, did you hear about the guy who could fit a whole pineapple up his ass?"

"No way!"

**Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden**

**It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace.**

"Alright men, get chopping and start some forest fires while your at it!"

**But one day a man of great evil-"**Oh I just love fluffy bunnies and pink unicorns!"-**Found the power the golden power toke it for himself...**

**With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom.**

"You shall all face death by a thousand fluffy bunny!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO! THEY ARE TO ADORABLE!"

**But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand...**

"Now you must all watch me dance in a swim suit for ever!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S TO OVER RATED FOR THE CHILDREN!"

**...a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere. Wielding the blade of evil's bane-a very pointy stick-he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light.**

"Here, want some light? No! It's all mine! You hear me? MINE!"

**This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known has the hero of time.**

"I'm from the past!"

"Yeah that's nice kid now go play in the street or something."

**The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend.**

"Did you hear about the kid from the past?"

"Thats just some B-S. But pineapple guy is so much more true!"

**But then...a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom.**

"Sniff, sniff...Alright who just farted?"

**The great evil (Of fluffy freaking bunnies and damn pink unicorns) that all thought had been forever sealed away by the hero...**

"Thank the Gods for sealing away all those bunnies! I would have died!"

**...Once again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs.**

"Guess who's back bitches."

"...Shit."

**The people believed that the hero of time, ages, seasons (What ever it was!) would again come to save them.**

"Even though its been 100 years since you came, we hope you come back to save us."

**...But the hero did not appear.**

"Lazy ass!"

**Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods**

"Oh gods that most likely do not exist, please help us for no benefit what so-ever."

**In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future to the hands of fate.**

"Instead of actually doing something, we shall sit on our lazy ass's and let him do what ever he wants!"

**What became of the kingdom...?**

**None remain who know.**

"Hey did you hear about that kingdom?"

"What kingdom?"

"Forget it, its not important..."

**The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath.**

**Well then I think it's about time the wind brushed its teeth.**

**On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age.**

"Put on these cloths."

"Why?"

"Because its your birthday."

"Okay."

**Clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil**

**...evil as in giant monsters of an idiots pet unicorn?**

**The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend...**

**A total pansy that gets scared when someone touches him?**

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Oblivion- and there is the prologue. Hope you enjoyed it and chapter 1 might come out later tonight.


	2. Ladders

Oblivion-and here is chapter 1!

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Chapter 1-Ladders and sword play.

**-Outset island-**

"BIG BROTHER!" To make a long story short, An annoying blond girl running around the island looking for her big brother waking every body early in the morning in the process She then goes to the islands only lookout tower where a boy dressed in a blue shirt and orange pants sleeping next to a knife. "Big brother! Get up!" The blond girl then kicks link in the ribs.

"Ow!" Link gets up "What the hell was that for!" The girl picks up the knife.

"Have you been cutting yourself again!" She asks.

"...Noooooo." Link hides his hands behind his back.

"Then why do you have this?"

"I was carving things in the wood."

"Why is there a red stain in the wood?

"...cranberry juice?" Aryll just roles her eyes and throws the knife over the side.

"No my cutting knife!" Link then realized what he said. "Damn." Aryll sighs.

"Grandma wants to talk to you." She says.

"Why?"

"Because she said if you didn't, I could make the seagulls attack you." Link sighs.

"Fine I'm going." Link goes over to the ladder and takes two steps down it. Then stops. "Screw the ladder." Link jumps off it and falls straight through the floor boards into the sea. Link then swims to shore gasping for air. "I think...I have...a piece of wood...shoved up my ass..." Link catches his breath and continues across a bridge to see a kid with a stick trying to grab a rupee on the nearby rock.

"I think I can reach it, I think I can reach it!" The kid says over and over again. Link crushes the kids hopes and dreams by jumping to the rock and grabbing the rupee.

"Ha ha!" Link points and laughs at the kid. The kid then throws the stick at link and hits him in the eye. Link falls into the water and the kid laughs at him. Link swims to shore again taking the stick out of his eye.

"Karma Link, it's just karma..." Link takes a few steps from the shore and walks by a woman with a pot on her head.

Link goes over to his house and sees an opening under the floor boards. "Why have I never seen that?" Link then crawls under it and goes into a hole. Link then finds a treasure chest. "Cool!" Link \ opens it to find a orange rupee worth 100 rupees. "This must be grandmas life savings..." Link proceeds to put it in his wallet, leaves the hole, and goes into the house.

* * *

Link enters the house, seeing his grandma wasn't on the first floor, went up to the second floor to see her with some cloths.

"I've been waiting for you link..." She says.

"Thats kinda creepy..." Link replies.

"Link...Try these on." She hands link the sparkling cloths.

**Description**:You got the **Hero's cloths**! You'll be wearing these very itchy and uncomfortable cloths for the rest of the game and there is nothing you can do about it!

Link then gives her a glare. "It is tradition to where those cloths! You put them on right now!"

"Fiiiiiiiine!" Link says in a very irritating high pitched voice. He puts the cloths on.

"A perfect fit!" Grandma says.

"Yeah, whatever, can I go back to cutting myself?" Link asks.

"I'm going to invite everybody in the village to the house for your birthday."

"Greaaat just what I want to do, be surrounded by all the idiots at the same time."

"And I'll make your favorite soup."

"Alright, whats the catch?"

"I need you to get your sister."

"Figures." Link says. Then he turns to the ladder.

"And I guess you could go to the old guys house next door for sword play..but your sister is more important." Link was gone after the words sword play. "He better bring that stupid bitch back."

* * *

Link decides to go get his sister first to avoid a long nagging by his grandma and goes to the lookout tower and falls back in the hole he made. He then comes back up the ladder and goes up the larger one. "I freaking hate ladders." He mutters under his breath. Link gets to the top scaring away the seagulls. Aryll turns around and sees. Link. "...You look like a bean!" Aryll then falls to the floor laughing for a whole hour until she finally stopped herself.

"How the hell do I look like a bean?" Link asks.

"You just do!" Aryll screams. Link roles his eyes. "I have something to give you because grandma said I HAD to get you something." Aryll then hands Link the telescope.

**Description**:You got **the telescope**! This will allow you to see the next cut scene that only lasts about a minute. After that, it's just a piece of crap clogging up space.

"Thanks Aryll, this is the BEST present ever." Link says in a very sarcastic tone.

"Yeah you can carry that crap for today." Aryll respond. "Now point the thing at the house.

"Why?"

"Just do it or I'll tell Grandma you cut me."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna bet?" Link sighs and points it at the house. Link then sees the post man at the post box flapping his wings like crazy

"Freak..." Link says to himself

"WHAT'S THAT IN THE SKY!" Link points the telescope up to the sky.

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a Ho-oh!" Link sees a giant bird. "No it's a giant...Bird..." Link zooms in on a girl being carried by the bird while some dumb ass group of pirates shoot rocks at the bird. "This is almost like a Pokemon battle! Pirates used rock throw. Pirates attack missed! Giant bird used fly! Pirates used rock throw!" The rock smacks the bird right across the face. "It's super affective!" The bird then drops the girl into the summit of the mountain. "Giant bird dropped equipped item! Giant bird flees from battle." Link then puts away the telescope. "And the pirates gain experience points and learn to use their damn brains." Aryll gasps.

"How are you supposed to save her?" She asks.

"Wow wow wow! When did I EVER talk about the saving of the people?" Link responds.

"Oh you're going to save her, or else!" She then shoves link over the side into the sea. Link screams like a little girl all the way down landing face first into a rock. "Have fun!"

* * *

Orca was standing in the middle of the room for no reason at all while link walked in the room with a bloody forehead.

"What the hell happened to you?" Orca asks.

"Girl, fall, forest, need, sword, to, save, person..." Link then falls to the floor.

"If it's sword play your looking for, I shall teach you."

Five minutes later...

"Very good Link! You pass!"

"Dude, I CUT OFF YOUR FUCKING ARM, CHOOPED OFF YOU FINGERS, MADE A GASH IN YOUR BACK, AND CUT OFF THE LOWER PART OF YOUR BODY!"

"And that is why I am going to let you keep it." Orca then hops over to the center of the room "Obviously you wont abuse it."

**Description: **You got the **Hero's sword!**...Do you really need a description? Go out there, and kick some ass!

"Yeah! Now I can hurt people." Link Says.

"Well if that is what it's gonna be used for that then I'm gonna need it back." Link was gone before he got a word out. "...Crap..."

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Oblivion-And link now has the power to kill! Question, is it to much that Link can't even punch in the games?


	3. Bacon

Oblivion-well...its been quiet some time since I've written any fan fiction...lets hope I'm not rusty.

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Chapter 2-Bacon

Link walked out of the house heading towards the bridge, when he see's a man with no name laying in the grass in wait. Link walks up to this said man. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"Trying to catch that pig!" The man points to the pig doing nothing but standing around.

"Dude, just grab it." Link walks up to the pig and picks it up "Simple as that."

"My wife always wanted a pig." The man said.

"...Random but okay."

"She lives on top of the hill."

"Alright then..." Link goes up the hill without another word.

* * *

Link makes it up the hill gasping for air. "Gosh Damn that was a steep hill!" Link exclaims "And you pig! You're so damn fat, hope they make you into bacon! You know, bacon would sound good right about know..." Link then notices a fat lady standing outside a house. He approaches her. "Word on the street is you're looking for a pig. Is that correct?"

"Why yes it is! Lets make a deal. You got the stuff?" The woman asks.

"Show me the money." Link responds.

"I don't show you the money until you show me the stuff."

"I don't show you the stuff until you show me the money."

"Okay instead of going at this hours on end, how 'bout you give me a price and I'll see what I can do."

"15." Link demands.

"12." The woman offers.

"18"

"16"

"30."

"..." The woman is silent.

"Alright how 'bout 20?"

"...You got yourself a deal." The fat lady toss' link a red rupee and link hands her the pig.

"Pleasure doing business with you." Link then heads down the hill. "Fat ass..."

* * *

Link makes his way along the bridge and walks past the kid trying to get the rupee on the rock. And he's giving link an evil glare. So Link takes out his sword and points at him. "If you know whats good for you, you will jump of this bridge now." Link threatens the kid promptly jumps off the side and swims back to shore running like hell. "That's what I thought..." Link gets to the other end of the bridge where snot boy waited at the other end. Link poke the boy in his nose with the sword. "I'll give you five seconds to start running." The boy only needed one as he dashed into the nearby house. Link then puts his sword away and walks up the path only to be blocked by trees. "Oh no!" Link says. "These trees are blocking our path! Well need to cut them so we can get through! Do you see anything we can use to help cut down the trees?" Link is silent for about five minute before you see a blue arrow click on the hero's sword. "That's right! The hero's sword!" Link then pulls out the sword. "Now, swing your arms back and forth, annnd, chop the tree,chop the tree, chop the tree!" Link chops down all the trees...If that wasn't obvious enough from his last statement. "Good work! We chopped down all the trees. Now we can keep going up the path!" Link continues up the path mumbling to himself. "They don't pay me enough for this crap..."

* * *

Link goes all the way to the top where he sees a sign. 'Danger! Bridge out of order!' "How is a bridge out of order?" Link asks himself. He then starts walking across the bridge. "It looks fine too me." Link then comes across one board, just one, missing from the bridge. "Okay, so this is why we weren't allowed up here? One gosh damn board is missing! God these people are retarded!" Link proceeds to jump over the gap but falls through and grabs the other end of the bridge "OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH I'M GONNA DIE! HOLY FLUFF!" Link (after about a minute of screaming like a girl) manages to pull himself up and run across the other end of the bridge. "Oh my gosh I almost pissed myself!" Link runs into the forest before anything worse happens

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Oblivion-Sorry this chapter is kind of short. I will make sure the next chapter will be much longer.


	4. The bird

Oblivion-Prepare for a nice, long chapter for your entertainment! Not mine at all!

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Chapter 3- The Bird

-The woods-(Area difficulty, zero out of ten)

Hints/tips:You fail here, just turn off the game and go back to Final Fantasy you bum!

* * *

Link enters the woods and watches as the girl dangles from the tree branch

"I could walk away now and say shes dead," Link starts. "but the pirates will probably kidnap me for telling them that. Or I could just actually try to save her...but then I would have to do work, on my birthday...nah I better go save her. Not worth having to be held captive." Link goes up the path and jumps down the side of the very small cliff thing.

**Good karma**

_good karma enhances your good reputation._

**_You have now earned the rank of Guardian_**.

_Wait, wrong game...my bad..._

Once down the side link notices a weird pig thing standing on two legs.

"Holy fudge muffins! You will die!" Link takes one swipe with his sword, misses and the pig smacks him across the face. "ow!that freaking hurt, asshole!"

"Oh my god I'm so sorry sir!" says the pig man

"sorry don't cut it!" Link then stabs the pig man in the head. "My blade does!" Link then realizes what he had just said. "Damn that was cheesy!" Link continues up the path until he meets a giant rock. "Giant rock, must kill!" Link strikes to rock for about an hour before he gave up. "I'll come back...for revenge!" Link continues up the path and makes it to the tree. He looks up in the sky to see two odd looking birds holding two pig men and they drop to the ground but one fell on his leg and broke

"Owch! God damn!" The first pig man yells.

"Holy crap, are you okay Gorge?" The second one asks.

"No, I'm not okay, Jim! My leg is broken!"

"Oh shit man lets get you medical attention!" Jim then drags Gorge out of the forest.

"...So do I win by forfeit?" Link asks. "Yay!" Link walks up to the tree. "Now, how should I do to get her down from there...hmmmmmmm, I know!" Link then rolls into the tree shaking it and hurting his head. He repeats this for about five minutes. "Ow, my head! Ow, my head! Ow, my head!" He said over and over again. Eventually the girl wakes up and sees Link trying to shake the tree.

"The hell are you doing?" She asks.

"It's oka-Ow, my head!" Link says. "I'll get you ou-Ow, my head! Out in no tim-ow my head!"

"Well, I'm gonna be here a while." She then saw one of the pirates entered the area. "Gonzo!"

"Damn it she's still alive!" Gonzo yells.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing Miss Tetra!"

"That's what I thought...now get me down from here!"

"Whats with the boy?" Gonzo watched as Link tried to shake the tree.

"I think it is getting weaker! Ow my head!"

"Idiot..." Tetra takes another look at Gonzo who pick up a log. "What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of the tree." Gonzo then starts running at the tree with the log like a battering ram. He hits to tree, shakes it like crazy, and the branch Tetra was hanging on snapped off and tetra fell to the ground. Good thing she landed on Link.

"My back hurts..." Link complains.

"Oh stop complaining!" Tetra gets up off of Link. "What's with the get up?" Link stands up.

"This is my birthday suit!" Link exclaims.

"...I don't wanna know. I just don't." Tetra then begins to leave the summit.

"Miss Tetra, what about the boy?"

"Don't worry about him, come on!" Gonzo takes one look at Link, then leaves.

"Screw you two..." Link mutters under his breath. He then follows them outside.

Link meets the Pirates outside the entrance observing the wors-I mean best island ever.

"Big Brother!" Link looks across the bridge to see his sister waving at him. She then tries to cross the bridge.

"Don't do it!" Gonzo yells. "There's a board missing from the bridge!" She stopped and Gonzo sighed with relief. Link then grabbed him by his shirt.

"Why did you stop her?" Link asks. "She could have died! And let me tell you something that would have been a good thing!" Link the goes on a rant on reasons not to save her. Meanwhile the giant bird that attacked earlier came back, swooped in, and snatched up Links sister.

"BIG BROTHEEEEEER!" She yelled. Link then noticed this and stared in amazement.

"I just found another use for the telescope!" Link then takes said telescope and zooms in on the bird. "Her face is priceless! I gotta get a closer view." Link then starts to walk closer to the edge and then steps off the side. "Oh God!" Link then falls all the way to the ocean. Tetra and Gonzo just start laughing at him as the bird flies out of sight. "Assholes..."

* * *

"Whaaaaaaaaat? You want to come with us on our boat?"

Tetra asks.

"No I wanna go with to go sight seeing!" Link responds sarcastically. "Cause if I don't my grandma will get the whip. And that shit hurt last time she pulled it out."

"Yeah, I get that, but we're pirates you know! We're evil, greedy people! Besides, what do we have to do with her being kidnapped?"

"And how do you figure that?" The mail man comes walking over entering the conversation.

"You dare enter my conversation postman!" Tetra exclaims.

"You pirates have no common sense! If you actually pay attention to the word around the islands. You would know girls with **long ears** are being kidnapped for all different islands. And some were raped by that giant bird."

"Why didn't that happen to her, damn it!" Link asks.

"It only mates with the attractive ones." The postman responds.

"Oh okay that makes sense."

"Anyway, if I'm correct, the bird was trying to kidnap you miss pirate pants! And thta` bird probably mistook you for that Innocent young girl!"

"..." Tetra was silent.

"That's right!" Link says. "You're getting told by the postman, you can't say anything to that!"

"And I believe it was Link that saved you from the monsters in the forest."

"Bull shit." Gonzo. Says. "Complete bull shit."

"So you owe him one."

"What he said!"

"And also that bird carried that girl off to the **Forsaken Fortress.**"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" Tetra responds.

"Help Link get there and you will be even."

"...Alright," Tetra starts. "But you don't expect to go out in there with just a sword, got anything like...a shield? Armor? Anything like that?"

"Oh! I know a place I can get something like that!" Link runs into his house with a happy go lucky attitude.

"Idiot." The postman says.

* * *

Link goes to his house, climbs the ladder and looks at the wall where his family shield is usually hanged up. But the shield wasn't there. So Link went back down the ladder and went to his grandma.

"Hey old bat, have you seen the shield?"

"I have it right here." She then beats Link over the head with it and hands it to him.

Description: You got the **Hero's shield**! Use it to block enemy attacks! Why did I have to tell you that? Is it not obvious enough?

"Ow! What the hell was that for!" Link asks angered

"For not bringing your dumbass if a bitch sister here! If you just took two freaking minutes out of your life to walk her home, she wouldn't have been kidnapped!"

"Well she should know better then to go to the highest point of the island,where there's a giant horny bird flying around!" Link Grandma then picks him up and throws him on the table.

"Back talk me ever again and your ass will be mounted on that wall! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"Yes, Yes! Don't kill me!" Link cowers in fear. Then runs out the door for his life.

"Don't forget to bring back Milk!"

* * *

Link is still running until he meets up with Tetra. "Okay, I got a shield! Lets go, now!" Link exclaims.

"Don't you want to-" Tetra starts

"No time! Lets go!" Link then pushes Tetra onto the boat. "Lets get this thing moving people now!"

"I'm the captain of this ship, so I give the orders!"

"A woman! A captain?" Link then starts laughing uncontrollably. But it stops as he sees Tetra moving closer to him with her knife out. "Alright alright! You're captain! I'm sorry!"

"You better be freaking sorry bean boy!"

"I'm not a bean!" Tetra ignores his last statement.

"Lower the sail!" With more commands like that one the ship was off the coast heading to sea. Link stands at the end of the boat. Looking at all the villagers. He notices his grandma standing at the porch of his house.

Link then starts wave his middle fingers at the island with a happy expression on his face.

"And now," Tetra starts "The reference we've all been waiting for." Everyone on the boat puts on cool dude shades and starts singing.

"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat!" Link then sings solo.

"I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good, hard look, at the mother fluffing boat!"

* * *

Oblivion-I was originally going to make this chapter up to Link entering the forsaken fortress, but i'm going to be away for two week and won't be able to post during that time. So enjoy this chapter, and see you all in two week! On a boat of course.


	5. A Boat Ride

Oblivion-It's just one of those days where you just gotta write something.

Chapter 4-A boat ride.

"Private Link, reporting for duty sir!" Link Exclaimed as he stood at attention waiting for captain Tetra;s next command.

"Okay first of all, what the hell are you doing?" Tetra asked

"Sir, Going above and beyond the call sir!" He responded

"Really? A Battlefield Three reference?"

"My job is to make as many movie, music, internet, and video game references as possible sir!"

"Cut the crap and go below the deck! You'll be hanging out with Niko!"

"Sir yes sir!"

"Also it's ma'am, not sir!"

"Sir yes ma'am!" Link then enters the ship.

* * *

"Idiot."

Link was looking at a large man standing in front of a doorway. The man finally said something.

"What do you want You bum?"

"All I want is a little off the good life." Link responds. "But for reals what are you doing?"

"I am guarding this doorway!"

"Yes, very interesting but why?" Link goes wide eyed.

"This is miss Tetra's room! Not even a true pirate such as I are allowed into this room! So go away you bum!"

"Oh come on, you're telling me with this whole sausage fest, and the fact that you're captain is no older then twelve years old, you never went through the girls stuff?"

"...Just get out of here you bum!" The man then ignores him.

"I know his secret!" Link then runs off father down the deck. But the man then sneaks into Tetra's room

"Idiot."

Link made his way into the bottom of the ship where he meet Niko.

"Hey Link, What's up buddy?" Niko asks "You want some Soda? Beer? A Cookie?"

"..." Link was silent for a moment. "Might take you up on that cookie."

"Well you're gonna have to go through my obstacle course to get one!"

"Just one? That's bullcrap!" Link states.

**Would you like to skip tutorial?**

Option 1: _Hell yes_

_Option 3: No, play the boring tutorial that with the amount of times I've played this game must have watched at least twelve times. _

**You selected. **_"No, play the boring tutorial that with the amount of times I've played this game must have watched at least twelve times."_

"I didn't even press anything!" Link exclaims in anger.

**The game auto selects for you.**

"That's even more bull crap! And where the hell is option two?"

**What is this "two" you speak of?**

"You know? That number that comes after one?"

F**rom now on, There is no such thing as two. It shall be labeled as a mythical creature.**

"...I don't know how that makes sense but okay then!" Link then Goes back to talking to Niko. "Well looks like I have to watch you rope dance for the next four minutes so you might as well get started now."

"Alright." Niko then stands on the button and the platforms raise. He then begins to explain how this fun time will go down. "Here's what you gotta do. You jump from the rope then you swing but make sure you you don't swing too far or else you might miss the platform then once you land on the platform you run and swing for the other thing you need to grab you grab it you swing again then you repeat this a couple more times and BAM! You are over there!"

"Great, fantastic. Aren't you going to demonstrate?" Link asks bored out of his mind.

"Are you crazy?! I'm not breaking my neck for some dumb soda!" Niko then turns to the stairway. "You have fun, I'll be back in a few hours. Right after I go through the captains stuff."

"Bull crap, how come I don't get to?" Link asks depressed.

"Because I don't like you!"

"But you offered me a cookie. Does that mean nothing to you!?" Link is about to burst into tears.

"...You're a messed up child. Did your parents drop you when you were a baby?" Niko asks.

"No, my grandma did!"

"...I'm leaving now." Niko then goes upstairs to the captains room.

"Alright." Link turns to the first rope. "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!" He then runs and jumps for the rope. "I can't do this!" He misses the rope and falls face first into a barrel of nails. He eventually gets out of the barrel and pulls all the nails out. Link attempts this multiple times before he just gives up.

"Screw you I don't need your damn cookie!" Link then storms off to the top of the ship

"Well I'll enjoy..." Niko looks through his manly purse and pulls out a raw pickle. "I'll enjoy this raw pickle by myself!" He proceeds to eat the pickle but chokes and passes out.

99999999999999

Link comes back to the deck of the ship and it is already nightfall.

"Hey, green guy!" Tetra calls from that place that holds people high above the ship. I forget what it's called. "Get up here!" Link climbs the ladder and when he gets to the top he suddenly falls off and you could say he hits the deck.

"That pun sucked, and my back hurts!" Link responds to the narrator. Who ignores the statement and is talking about himself in the third person.

"I'm sorry Link, I accidentally pressed A!" The player tells Link.

"How the firetruck do you accidentally press A, you dumbass!"

"Hey! Don't swear at me! If I wanted to get cursed out, I would play Call of Duty!"

"Okay, how dare you reference that game while playing Legend of Zelda!" Link is angered by the player. "Now climb this ladder and get any idea of that game out of here! You Should be ashamed!" Link climbs up the ladder, and player presses A again. "Jerk..." Finally getting on the look out tower the thing I will call it, Tetra points over to the Forsaken Fortress.

"Look, It's The Forsaken Fortress! That place you wanted to go too!" She informs Link.

"Okay, so I can't see this from any other point on the deck?" Link asks.

"Well, you could but you get a better view up here."

"So why couldn't you just...never-mind."

"Now that you're done being pissed as usual," Tetra continues "we can't get any closer to the damn thing or else we'll get blasted out of the water."

"...I think that is the smartest thing any one has said this whole time." Link points out.

"I'll take that as a complement. Now I do have a plan to get you inside." Tetra says with an evil grin.

"Okay, this plan involves either me getting launched in there or having to swim."

66666666666666666

"And of course it involves me getting launched." Link states as he is being prepared to be launched by a catapult while stuffed inside a barrel.

"Oh don't worry one the last three guys died." Tetra Assures Link.

"Ready to fire the catapult!" Gonzo exclaims.

"Firing In THREE," Link closes his eyes. "TWO," He begins to grind his teeth. "ONE!"

"Wait, can I go to the bathroom?" Link asks nicely.

"Nope!" Gonzo then sends Link flying into the Forsaken Fortress

"OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH THIS BARREL KNOWS HOW TO FLYYYYY!" Link screams as he sails straight into a wall with his face within the Forsaken Fortress. His sword then somehow goes flying from the impact and lands somewhere near the top. Link then falls into a small pool of water.

"Dang it!" Link says in frustration "My flying barrel broke!"


End file.
